Book of Nothing
by Dr.Seuss
Summary: Well my friend and I wrote this as a joke and there will most likely be more, we thought it was funny...we may not later ...no alcohol or drugs were consumed at the time.
1. Default Chapter

**ENTER MOONEY**

He awoke to a bright summers morning, the sun was shining through the broken shards of glass. Mooney looked for his alarm clock, but he forgot that he didn't have one, for his family was far too poor for luxuries like that. His mom came in carrying tea for breakfast, he was very thin as all he could drink was tea, he was lactose intolerant and for eats he had bread crumbs, but a seagull flew through his broken window and beat him to his meal. Mooney cried inside, he hated being poor. He rolled out of bed and fell on the solid splintery floor of faded polished wood.

Mooney felt pain as a splinter sliced through his pale rounded flesh he began to pick it out, as this was a regular occurrence. Mooney walked through the bitten out door, his dog was very hungry as they could not afford dog food. Mooney glanced at the scar on his leg from last time he encountered his fiendish pet. Some people would wonder if his dog attacked him because he resembled a bone, all white, pale and thin.

Mooney was excited because his best friends the twins Jadie and Adie were coming over today. The first time he had them over he recalled that they passed by his house thinking it a garage. How could they not tell that this beautiful palace of rotting stinking wood was actually his home. He was very pleased that they actually accepted coming over again after the last time. Mooney decided to put on his old nikey shirt, or at least what was left of it. He looked in a broken mirror at the tattered material he was sporting and thought this made him look very good.

Several hours later he heard the knock, as there was no doorbell whatsoever, heck there wasn't even a door. From the powerful strong knock one of his old trustworthy walls collapsed and crushed his mother.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO,"yelled Mooney to his only loved one. His Father had been eaten by the dog two weeks ago, he had barely recovered over that. Now he was left alone in this heart wrenching world without anyone at all. Adie and Jadie proceeded to invite themselves in, unaware of the damage they had done. A shoe or what they thought was a shoe flew by their heads and an angry pale looking Mooney stormed over towards them.

" YOU KILLED MY MOTHER!!" he cried in anguish.

Adie and Jadie ran away out the door that wasn't there. Mooney was now left utterly and completely alone, or so he thought. He heard snarls from his grandma who had just arrived in a jet plane which he did not hear.

"Wow Grandma, I didn't hear you come in!"

Little did he know his grandma had experienced a ferocious bite from his Chihuahua, Noodles who had recently come down with rabies and had passed it on to grandma. He wished he had some noodles. His grandma advanced on the poor half naked Mooney, as he was only wearing his nikey shirt and his power ranger undies from last night. Mooney hoped his beyblade pair would soon be dry. Mooney fled in sadness from the room as his Grandma smelt like old lilacs gone bad and spit as she was foaming at the mouth. He noticed that in her purse was his dog, noodles. He ran down the hill to a wishing well and through himself in for his afternoon bath.

Mooney stayed in until he was nice and wrinkly, he though his clothes were all polished and clean now that he had wet them. Mooney wished he owned a pair of pants as he was locally made fun of, he hated going to school, especially since he couldn't afford the uniform. A mile away Mooneys eye caught the gleam of a glistening copper penny and went running to get it. He picked it up cleaned of the filth and ran back to his wishing well, a speck of dirt had befallen on his knee so he ran back in to bathe.

Mooney looked adoringly at his new found riches, he wondered how much he could do and how far he could go with such a massive amount of currency. Mooney sighed and looked up at the stars thinking everything would be alright from now on. Just as he was getting comfortable a magpie came and snatched away his penny as the glint had caught his eye(even though it was night time) Mooney decided he needed a job as he had no life before him. He went out in search in dark areas of the wilderness and spotted a young girl crying.

Little did he know that his face was lighting up the areas around him, he had a radioactive complexion afterall. The young girl looked up and said hello Mr.Moon! Can you help me find my way home? And Mooney did, the daughter turned out to be a ball of gas which belonged in the sky Mooney was invited to join her forever, and Mooney adapted the position of the Moon for everyone could see his happy glowing face at night times.


	2. Goodness of Good

Ferdinand

Ferdinand loved to play outside with his kites. He had many assortments of them for he was a collector of them. You may even say he was their biggest fan. The only problem was everytime he flew a kite he would fly away with it as he was incredibly light in stature and had no body fat whatsoever. So each time he flew a kite another adventure would unfold. Today Ferdinand decided to fly his kite, which was covered in electric blue feathers, oh how he loved that one. As he flew his kite and rose farther and farther off the ground something terrible happened. A Tornado hit him out of nowhere.

Ferdinand was blown round and round until days later he was blown into a puddle on a small deserted Island, or so he thought it was deserted. Little did he know that in the middle of the jungle a tribe inhabited this Island. This was no ordinary tribe, this tribe loved to sing and dance the night away. The only thing was they were completely tone deaf and couldn't dance if their life depended on it, and so this tribe was cast off onto this small deserted Island. Ferdinand wandered towards a noise of what he thought sounded like someone choking on a cheeseburger, emitting foghorn like sounds.

Ferdinand approached with caution as this fat piece of crud before him looked threatening, ugly even. The creature raised its rolls towards him and Ferdinand gasped in shock as this figure was actually human, just horribly and unnaturally obese. Ferdinand thought he had discovered the chief as usually they seem the biggest and most powerful on the Island, and Ferdinand didn't see how much bigger you could get from what he saw.

Cautiously he picked up a stick and poked it many times to see what it would do. The creature started to shake madly and then it self -combusted. Ferdinand was left standing there covered in fat, as his body wasn't used to this substance at all he began to absorb it. Slowly he grew huger and huger and started to make loud burping sounds for no apparent reason at all. Finally Ferdinand was left there standing there average wait, and self-concious. However could he fly home in the wind with a kite now?? He was huge! He could barely walk! He was used to only weighing 5 pounds and now he weighed 130!

Ferdinand only knew that because a magical scale had appeared out of nowhere and he had stepped on it. As nighttime approached Ferdinand began to hear a melody that sounded like an elephant jumped into a a pitful of wolves and the wolves weren't happy with this so they started attacking it and then a herd of flaming flamingos stormed by screeching angry squaks since they were on fire. Oh how Ferdinand loved that noise. He wanted to go check it out so he did. His eyes opened wide in horror at what he saw before him, it was a buffet table!! Oh how Ferdinand hated food, the mere taste of it gave him heartburn that would last eternity.

Ferdinand decided to jump out of the 100 foot tree he was in and start to sing with the tribe. He fit right in. So he decided to stay there for awhile as he weighed too much to get home. Not eating anything for days Ferdinand slowly turned into his old self. The day Ferdinand wanted to go home was the day he realized he lost his kite! However would he return back to his house? He decided to go looking for it, searching on the deserted Island he found a K-mart, a green bean, a piece of chicken and his greatest find, a woodbug. Oh how he wanted a pet woodbug. Ferdinand decided to keep it as his pet. Little did he know he killed it instantly when he picked it up.

Passing by his electric blue feather kite many times Ferdinand decided to give up hope. Maybe it was his destiny to stay on the Island and grow up to be a really talented singer and dancer. But he thought better of it, he belonged at home with his kites. Getting really angry Ferdinand stood up. He danced over towards a blue object which was on the sand beside the puddle he had first landed in.

"There you are!!" yelled Ferdinand.

Just then the tribe danced angrily out of the jungle. No one could take _their_ woodbugs. Ferdinand had completely forgotten about the dead object in his pocket and did the first thing any normal person would do in this frightening situation. He began to run in aimless circles, screaming. As they danced towards him he ran faster and faster wondering why they were gaining on him. He began to feel dizzy and was about to be caught when the tornado struck again. Ferdinand blacked out onto his kite and was blown away in the wind forever.

So remember kids, don't be annorexic!


End file.
